No Aunt Flo yet. I know, I know! I am not a patient person either!
I think my body is confused about what it's supposed to do. I mean, if you think about it, the only reason it's been really steady and on time with my cycles the past few month's is because of the uterine thinning lining medication. Typically I have very sporadic "moon cycles" and they usually last two weeks. So, I'll have two weeks on and then two weeks off... It's a nightmare!
Since taking this new medication, though, my cycle has been very heavy but "normal" in length and time of the month. The last moon cycle was only 7 days -- just like everyone else is supposed to be!
Now that we are all done with our testing they have taken me off the medication and my body is just saying, "What do you want me to do here? I don't understand!" I knew this was going to happen. My gut just knew...
I did call the fertility clinic in order to get a refill on my thyroid medication as I've run out so I did ask my favorite receptionist what I should do. She suggested I wait until the end of the weekend to see if I start my cycle and if not, to call again on Monday. Hence the twiddling of my thumbs!
No, I am not pregnant. I mean...we have had...y'know....fun in the bedroom cue the Barry White music here but I have taken three home pregnancy tests to be sure and no...nothing....
I have a feeling they'll have me take a blood test to confirm I'm not pregnant and then place me on birth control to sort of jump start my cycle when they take the birth control away again. I am SO frustrated at that prospect for a few reasons.
a) My body has never reacted well to oral birth control. I bleed like a stuck pig and clot like nobodies business. (yes I'm being graphic. If you can't hack it, I apologize! I'm honest and blunt, at least!) Birth control is supposed to prevent you from bleeding for three weeks and then once its removed for that one week period you are to have your monthly cycle. My body doesn't react that way. I bleed almost immediately when birth control is introduced to my body. It's actually a little frightening just how much I bleed.
b) If we try this method this means we'll be waiting longer to start our Stim Cycle days (days when I take the stimulation drugs Gonal-F and Cetrotide). Again, I reiterate we cannot afford to wait any longer and what I mean by "afford" is not monetarily. Time is running out because of the IVF law changing.
c) There are major changes going on at work right now....Things I will not get into here but having IVF/ICSI delayed is really poor timing in regards to these company changes. It's stressing me out.... I'm panicking a little inside as I don't handle change well....
So, here I sit and wait and keep checking every time I pee to see if I'm spotting. Nope, I have not spotted the "eagle" as we are calling it in code during office hours.
On other note, our fellow co-worker mentioned an article she read about the new IVF law change to take place here in Ontario. sigh I'm so stressed out and this article about the law changing "any day now" is not helping to relieve my anxieties!
http://www.thestar.com/news/queenspark/2015/09/30/ontario-delay-of-ivf-treatment-plan-leaves-aspiring-parents-waiting.html
What they don't say in the article is how this affects current IVF patients who are already eligible for three tries at IVF under OHIP. I'm so worried there will not be a grandfather clause for Chris and I to still be eligible for our three tries. We may only get one shot at this... and that can very likely fail. We know the odds, we are hyper aware this is all just one moment away from not being available to us.
God, though, is here with us. He is aware of what is going on and He has every under control.... I keep telling myself that over and over again...
I hope this weekend will be stress free as Chris and I have the weekend off from work. We will be staying at a friend's house (We call it the "The Hotel".) They're such people to allow us both a chance to get away from this little world of ours and relax in good company.
I can't wait to kick their butt at Pictionary and Joker Rummy! Bring it on! grins
Thursday, October 01, 2015
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Waiting for Aunt Flo
Well, our fertility drug counselling session was bumped up a day!
They originally moved the appointment time for tomorrow from 1 pm to 2 pm and we were fine with that change. We had moved our usual day off this week from Wednesday to Thursday to accommodate this appointment. Then, this morning I get a call from the clinic asking us if we can come in either today or Friday instead. So, we got the okay from our co-worker that he could work the day alone and we switched our day off
back to today.
The appointment was just to go over the drug information. We arrived at the clinic a little early on purpose to pick up our drugs from the pharmacist. I will be on Gonal-F at 112.5 units and then after 3 or 4 days add a second drug called... Cetrotide...yes, that's it.
The second drug will only be introduced after an ultrasound is done to see how body is reacting to the Gonal-F. Gonal-F will enhance my follicle growth. Apparently, it's likely I will really produce a lot of follicles as my follicles looked awesome when they checked my Fallopian tubes during that session where they pushed water through them to see if they were any blocks. The doctor performing the ultrasound that day stated how wonderful my follicles looked, so that's promising.
I have a feeling it'll be very, very uncomfortable once the follicles start to grow. As Carrie Sue from the YouTube videos "a Sue and a Jay" stated "it feels like a softball is stuck up there inside me".
Back to the drug information from today. We were taught how to prepare the syringes and needles and also how to inject them. (We used a pink foam puck as my guinea pig for my stomach). I will admit I am a little too enthusiastic with the needle puncturing part. I thought I'd have to really jam it in my skin before pressing down on the syringe to inject the drugs, but no..... the first time I pulled back to plunge the needle in the puck I stabbed my thumb instead. It didn't hurt, just shocked me! Chris chastised me dearly and I was thoroughly embarrassed (but kindly). Eventually I got it through my head that I needed to have "less oomph" in my abilities. I think I got it right in the end....
Now we are just waiting for Aunt Flo to arrive. I never thought I'd want to see Aunt Flo. (AF) But this time I'm hoping she comes on time (for the last two months I started at about the 29/30th of the month).
So, here I sit and wait...twiddles thumbs
They originally moved the appointment time for tomorrow from 1 pm to 2 pm and we were fine with that change. We had moved our usual day off this week from Wednesday to Thursday to accommodate this appointment. Then, this morning I get a call from the clinic asking us if we can come in either today or Friday instead. So, we got the okay from our co-worker that he could work the day alone and we switched our day off
back to today.
The appointment was just to go over the drug information. We arrived at the clinic a little early on purpose to pick up our drugs from the pharmacist. I will be on Gonal-F at 112.5 units and then after 3 or 4 days add a second drug called... Cetrotide...yes, that's it.
The second drug will only be introduced after an ultrasound is done to see how body is reacting to the Gonal-F. Gonal-F will enhance my follicle growth. Apparently, it's likely I will really produce a lot of follicles as my follicles looked awesome when they checked my Fallopian tubes during that session where they pushed water through them to see if they were any blocks. The doctor performing the ultrasound that day stated how wonderful my follicles looked, so that's promising.
I have a feeling it'll be very, very uncomfortable once the follicles start to grow. As Carrie Sue from the YouTube videos "a Sue and a Jay" stated "it feels like a softball is stuck up there inside me".
Back to the drug information from today. We were taught how to prepare the syringes and needles and also how to inject them. (We used a pink foam puck as my guinea pig for my stomach). I will admit I am a little too enthusiastic with the needle puncturing part. I thought I'd have to really jam it in my skin before pressing down on the syringe to inject the drugs, but no..... the first time I pulled back to plunge the needle in the puck I stabbed my thumb instead. It didn't hurt, just shocked me! Chris chastised me dearly and I was thoroughly embarrassed (but kindly). Eventually I got it through my head that I needed to have "less oomph" in my abilities. I think I got it right in the end....
Now we are just waiting for Aunt Flo to arrive. I never thought I'd want to see Aunt Flo. (AF) But this time I'm hoping she comes on time (for the last two months I started at about the 29/30th of the month).
So, here I sit and wait...twiddles thumbs
Monday, September 21, 2015
Learning to de-stress
In three days Chris and I will be heading into the Fertility Clinic to discuss IVF and all the different steps in the "Antagonist Protocol" we will be going through! Yay!
In the meantime, I'm just trying to find ways to stay calm and de-stress. I must say I'm really enjoying the de-stressing mode. :)
I've rediscovered an old try and true method that works for me. Yes, I'm just a big ol' kid at heart so... isn't any wonder that coloring seems to do the trick nicely? The more intricate and complicated the picture the better! Here is "Dreamer", my latest creation I'm working on. Isn't he lovely? (Yes, he's a he! I don't know why I know that, but he is...and he was in my dream last night after I started to color him yesterday evening..)
I picked up an adult coloring book called "Color Me Yourself 2" from Costco last week and boy, am I having some fun! Chris seems to be totally okay with my relaxing method in the evening now and I can actually feel my body ease and relax much quicker in the evenings.
Of course, other ways to relax and decompress at the end of my days has worked too. Good music, good dancing, great giggling with my hubby.... grins
Also, when I was really getting anxious about the tranquilizer last week, I went to you tube and typed in "egg retrieval" and "tranquilizer" and just happened to find another Christian couple who was going through the Antagonist Protocol treatment! Yay! They posted each and every step of their process and I must say, watching "a Sue and a Jay" videos really did help ease my mind.
So, slowly but surely I'm becoming more comfortable with the idea of a tranquilizer. I do not expect it all to be easy. I actually expect it to be very difficult and painful but I'm looking at it more positively and remaining relaxed.
I'll post again once Thursdays appointment is over! Tell y'all what happens next!
bounces off to snuggle with Chris in bed
In the meantime, I'm just trying to find ways to stay calm and de-stress. I must say I'm really enjoying the de-stressing mode. :)
I've rediscovered an old try and true method that works for me. Yes, I'm just a big ol' kid at heart so... isn't any wonder that coloring seems to do the trick nicely? The more intricate and complicated the picture the better! Here is "Dreamer", my latest creation I'm working on. Isn't he lovely? (Yes, he's a he! I don't know why I know that, but he is...and he was in my dream last night after I started to color him yesterday evening..)
I picked up an adult coloring book called "Color Me Yourself 2" from Costco last week and boy, am I having some fun! Chris seems to be totally okay with my relaxing method in the evening now and I can actually feel my body ease and relax much quicker in the evenings.
Of course, other ways to relax and decompress at the end of my days has worked too. Good music, good dancing, great giggling with my hubby.... grins
Also, when I was really getting anxious about the tranquilizer last week, I went to you tube and typed in "egg retrieval" and "tranquilizer" and just happened to find another Christian couple who was going through the Antagonist Protocol treatment! Yay! They posted each and every step of their process and I must say, watching "a Sue and a Jay" videos really did help ease my mind.
So, slowly but surely I'm becoming more comfortable with the idea of a tranquilizer. I do not expect it all to be easy. I actually expect it to be very difficult and painful but I'm looking at it more positively and remaining relaxed.
I'll post again once Thursdays appointment is over! Tell y'all what happens next!
bounces off to snuggle with Chris in bed
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Tranquilizer
This is such a scary word!
Apparently, I am going to be shot in the butt cheek with a tranquilizer.
chin quivers
Can you imagine the amount of pain that my body will endure just to remove my cute little tiny eggs will require a tranquilizer shot?!
Yes, I am terrified.
The Fertility Clinic made Chris and I watch this video of all the different steps we will take when going through IVF/ICSI so we are aware of the step-by-step action to get from Point A (not ovulating or pregnant) to Point B (ovulating and then quite possibly pregnant). Also within these videos we watched they mentioned the egg retrieval day. Then they said that Big Scary Word, Tranquilizer, and my itty bitty head screamed silently in horror and I honestly didn't hear another word after that. I sat there and panicked inside for the next two hours.
Chris kept telling me to calm down and that I'd be "fine".
"FINE?!" I wanted to shout at him, "Do you know how much pain my body must have to endure to deem a tranquilizer necessary to do this procedure?" I mean really, all Chris has to do is give another live sperm sample and hold my hand. *gulps* I........on the other hand..........
takes a deep breath
It's been five whole days since we heard about the tranquilizer and I gotta say I"m not any happier now, five days later, than I was about this prospect.
........................Why couldn't they have just said the word sedative? I wouldn't be so terrified, lying in bed at 3 am thinking of the word sedative, would I?
I will do anything for my babies........even allow the doctors to give me a tranquilizer shot in my butt, but I'm tellin' ya, I'm not happy with this whole scenario at all.
Apparently, I am going to be shot in the butt cheek with a tranquilizer.
chin quivers
Can you imagine the amount of pain that my body will endure just to remove my cute little tiny eggs will require a tranquilizer shot?!
Yes, I am terrified.
The Fertility Clinic made Chris and I watch this video of all the different steps we will take when going through IVF/ICSI so we are aware of the step-by-step action to get from Point A (not ovulating or pregnant) to Point B (ovulating and then quite possibly pregnant). Also within these videos we watched they mentioned the egg retrieval day. Then they said that Big Scary Word, Tranquilizer, and my itty bitty head screamed silently in horror and I honestly didn't hear another word after that. I sat there and panicked inside for the next two hours.
Chris kept telling me to calm down and that I'd be "fine".
"FINE?!" I wanted to shout at him, "Do you know how much pain my body must have to endure to deem a tranquilizer necessary to do this procedure?" I mean really, all Chris has to do is give another live sperm sample and hold my hand. *gulps* I........on the other hand..........
takes a deep breath
It's been five whole days since we heard about the tranquilizer and I gotta say I"m not any happier now, five days later, than I was about this prospect.
........................Why couldn't they have just said the word sedative? I wouldn't be so terrified, lying in bed at 3 am thinking of the word sedative, would I?
I will do anything for my babies........even allow the doctors to give me a tranquilizer shot in my butt, but I'm tellin' ya, I'm not happy with this whole scenario at all.
Thursday, September 03, 2015
Mental Note: Always check your junk mail folder
The caller ID read "No Caller ID". I thought for sure it was one of those scam type things and almost let it just go to voice mail. I was just finishing my lunch hour and only had a few more minutes to spare before I headed back down to my tiny little office.
Reluctantly, I answered, "Hello?" I said.
"Rose?" A woman on the other end of the phone replied.
"Yes?" I knew who this was. I mean, I didn't know her by name but I knew she must be one of the women from the Fertility Clinic because no one but doctors and nurses call me, "Rose".
We got The Call! The second very important call in the same week! Wow! Here we thought we'd be receiving this call sometime next week and it was only Thursday and we got The Call!
Apparently she had emailed me some info which was bumped to my junk mail folder (which I check every other day). This email contained an information video we will need to watch in order to understand IVF. Also, she was calling to call about my weight loss and menstrual cycles.
I have lost some weight since we began this process, but not as much as I'd like. Apparently my BMI needs to be under 35 in order to eligible to continue with the IVF process. Thankfully it is... just slightly but enough to qualify. I will continue to drink water, swim and watch my portion sizes in order to continue to drop a pound or two to stay within the "safe zone". At this stage in the game, I really don't need anymore delays.
Furthermore, I am actually thankful for the "uterine lining meds" the doc has given me because it has naturally regulated my cycle into a pattern we can predict for my next potential ovulation cycle, which also means we were able to schedule the IVF counselling session!
Our session has been booked for the 24th. Then I will call them the first full flow day of my period to go back in and have my blood work done and an ultrasound performed. I guess it's double-check on everything Then, I will pay for those very expensive IVF drugs ($1,000 per "try" even with our drug coverage from work).
She mentioned something about having to go in a few times over the course of a few days once I receive the drugs. I'm sure it's to make sure things are progressing as they should within my body. If all goes well, they'll extract my eggs and Chris will give a fresh sperm sample.
Next the magic happens and some lab tech along with the doctor puts those two awesome pieces of us together in order for his sperm to find my egg. Maybe they'll play a little Barry White's "Let's get it on!" for our guys! chuckles Following this, the itty bitty embryo will be placed back inside of me to attach successfully to my uterine wall.
So... she said that should all take place by about the middle-ish of next month. grins
We can't help but be excited about the prospect of being parents! Are we aware of all the things that could go wrong along the way? Yes, we don't doubt that those things might happen, but we have faith that in God's timing. All we can do, is our part and stay positive!
I know these drugs will kick my butt. I know that this will be the hardest thing I ever go through in my entire life. I'm scared and nervous and so sure that God is with us.
"With faith anything is possible..." This is us dreaming about the possibilities tonight.... I think I know what cloud nine feels like now. :)
Reluctantly, I answered, "Hello?" I said.
"Rose?" A woman on the other end of the phone replied.
"Yes?" I knew who this was. I mean, I didn't know her by name but I knew she must be one of the women from the Fertility Clinic because no one but doctors and nurses call me, "Rose".
We got The Call! The second very important call in the same week! Wow! Here we thought we'd be receiving this call sometime next week and it was only Thursday and we got The Call!
Apparently she had emailed me some info which was bumped to my junk mail folder (which I check every other day). This email contained an information video we will need to watch in order to understand IVF. Also, she was calling to call about my weight loss and menstrual cycles.
I have lost some weight since we began this process, but not as much as I'd like. Apparently my BMI needs to be under 35 in order to eligible to continue with the IVF process. Thankfully it is... just slightly but enough to qualify. I will continue to drink water, swim and watch my portion sizes in order to continue to drop a pound or two to stay within the "safe zone". At this stage in the game, I really don't need anymore delays.
Furthermore, I am actually thankful for the "uterine lining meds" the doc has given me because it has naturally regulated my cycle into a pattern we can predict for my next potential ovulation cycle, which also means we were able to schedule the IVF counselling session!
Our session has been booked for the 24th. Then I will call them the first full flow day of my period to go back in and have my blood work done and an ultrasound performed. I guess it's double-check on everything Then, I will pay for those very expensive IVF drugs ($1,000 per "try" even with our drug coverage from work).
She mentioned something about having to go in a few times over the course of a few days once I receive the drugs. I'm sure it's to make sure things are progressing as they should within my body. If all goes well, they'll extract my eggs and Chris will give a fresh sperm sample.
Next the magic happens and some lab tech along with the doctor puts those two awesome pieces of us together in order for his sperm to find my egg. Maybe they'll play a little Barry White's "Let's get it on!" for our guys! chuckles Following this, the itty bitty embryo will be placed back inside of me to attach successfully to my uterine wall.
So... she said that should all take place by about the middle-ish of next month. grins
We can't help but be excited about the prospect of being parents! Are we aware of all the things that could go wrong along the way? Yes, we don't doubt that those things might happen, but we have faith that in God's timing. All we can do, is our part and stay positive!
I know these drugs will kick my butt. I know that this will be the hardest thing I ever go through in my entire life. I'm scared and nervous and so sure that God is with us.
"With faith anything is possible..." This is us dreaming about the possibilities tonight.... I think I know what cloud nine feels like now. :)
Tuesday, September 01, 2015
The Call
Got the call!!! bounces with excitement
Our fertility doctor's receptionist called me at 1:45 pm and squee! we received my CF results back! I do not carry the CF gene which means we do not have to worry about our children having CF even though Chris is a carrier. bounces with more excitement
She then said we will receive a call next week to set up our first appointment to continue on with our IVF/ICSI process. I'm assuming that means we will set up a time to go through our "IVF Counselling" in order to fully understand the IVF process and our roles in that process.
bounces just a little more...
When I told Chris the good news a whole hour after the phone call (he was busy in the compactor room) all he could say was, "Holy crap!" for a few minutes and finally "I need to get the baby room cleared out. I need to finish it." I told him he needed to finish sorting and selling his baseball and hockey cards. He didn't seem so pleased with that prospect but he knows I'm right. It's time to sell them. We will use the money to buy a baby crib.
Chris and I needed this good news... We really did... Praise God.....! Thank you Jesus! Hallelujah!!!
I am on my second month of menstrual cycles while taking the prescription drug medroxyprogesterone acetate (or "uterine medication" as Chris so aptly put it just now). This stuff is strong and it totally keeps me within walking distance of a bathroom every 120 mins. This whole shedding my thickened uterine lining business is not for wusses! You really have to be committed and stock up on those extra thick overnight with wings menstrual pads or you're screwed! Chris has learned very quickly which pads I need for which part of my cycle... the poor man is like every other husband in the world. Whenever I send him to the store alone, he'll call just to verify, "They're purple right? Is it okay if don't have wings?"
"No!" I respond in a panicky voice, "They must have wings otherwise they're ineffective! Please find the ones with wings in the purple color, hon. I swear they are there."
Once he even asked another woman in the store if he was getting the right ones, just to be sure. Chuckles...
So, with all that being said, Chris and I will have to celebrate this awesome news very soon! Maybe a candlelit dinner or a weekend away... grins I'll make it a night my husband can't soon forget!
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Karyotype with a dash of stress, please
Another set of test results are back. This is Chris' last test results we needed. This time it had to with Karyotype test results... I honestly had no idea what a "karyotype" even was. Thank God for google!
It's a test that checks out Chris' chromosomes and makes sure they are not abnormal, missing or extra copies of chromosomes. He could even have very large pieces of his genetic coding missing.
Thankfully his Karyotype results were completely normal. Yes, as odd and goofy as my husband is, he is 100% normal.
Yay! :)
Now, I'm not sure what to blame his weird obsessions with baseball cards, scores and wrestling statistics on.... Yes, I do realize he is male but c'mon... wrestling?? Shudders!! (He's actually watching wrestling on his laptop as I type this! Ugh! I truly hope our children do not inherit that part of Christopher.)
Now we must wait, one last time, on my final results to come in. These results will be on my blood work to see if I, too, carry the Cystic Fibrosis gene. Chris and I have been informed we should have these results within a week.
We have decided to wait two weeks before we start bugging them again for my test results. :) I can be a pain in the butt when I need to be! (Just ask my step-father... I can't tell you the number of times he rolled his eyes at my during my teenage years! giggles)
In the meantime, both of us need to get back on track with more proper eating habits (for baby's sake) and we need continue to save a little more money for "The Baby Fund". Since we don't know how many rounds it will take to produce a little one in my belly Chris and I will need to try our best to have enough savings for three rounds of IVF ready and available for when that time comes.
Lately, I have become most concerned about my stress level. My job is extremely demanding and comes with a high amount of stress day in and day out. Chris and I work over 50 hours a week with an high level of demands placed on our heads. We work along side each other trying to better the lives of those around us as we take care of the residential apartment high-rise building which houses over 209 apartments and over 300 tenants and occupants.
In any given day I have approximately 75 tenants, 20 contractors, 15 prospective tenants and our supervisor calling for my attention, decision and action on any given subject. We are on call 24 hours a day on a bi-weekly basis, working up to 9 days straight in a row. Half the month we cannot leave the building any further than a 10 minute radius so that we can get back quickly if need be.
Chris and I don't have a car so a 10 minute radius means we really can't go anywhere since even walking to our local mall is a little our of a ten minute walking range that is allowable. Eventually you kinda feel like a rat stuck in a rat maze...
I will admit I have a love/hate relationship for my job. I chose this field of work and I'm glad for it. It comes with a lot of rewards and the biggest reward is that I get to spend my everyday alongside Chris. (His stress levels are just as high as my own.)
My worry is for the potential little baby that will grow inside my body one day soon. He or she will feel that stress and tension day and day out. I know that this stress could affect my body in some pretty negative ways. I'm afraid my stress might be so high it could cause me to lose the baby and miscarry....
I haven't discussed these fears yet with Chris because, to be honest, I haven't been able to find the words yet to articulate this fear I have... This is my first opportunity to real voice my concerns.
With the help of The Lord anything is possible -- even finding ways to relieve my stress and ease my anxiety but honestly.... my job is just very, very demanding........ There is only one of me....only one woman that runs that office all day long and when I'm not there and we have a day or weekend off from work all the "office work" just gets pushed back a day until I come back to work and then I have to do double the work just to catch up to the demand of the tenants and staff once again. There is no body to carry that burden with me.... not in the way I need it, at least...
Hmmm.... I'll have think on this.... I do know my gut keeps telling me that if I am pregnant I will most likely have to be bedridden.... I have no idea why this thought keeps coming back to me, but it does. Over and over again. I get the feeling that will happen. I don't know if it will be because of the stress, because I'm disabled (and all the fears that go along with that with doctors) or because of my weight or, perhaps, a combination of all three. Only time will tell what truly happens.
In the meantime, I plan on finding ways to relieve my stress... I will be honest this will be quite hard for me. I am not great at not worrying about things. (Isn't it my job to worry about every little thing?! Chuckles)
Any prayer in this direction that friends and family reading this could offer would greatly be appreciated. Hugs
Thank you guys for going on this journey with us. We couldn't do it with all your love and support. :)
It's a test that checks out Chris' chromosomes and makes sure they are not abnormal, missing or extra copies of chromosomes. He could even have very large pieces of his genetic coding missing.
Thankfully his Karyotype results were completely normal. Yes, as odd and goofy as my husband is, he is 100% normal.
Yay! :)
Now, I'm not sure what to blame his weird obsessions with baseball cards, scores and wrestling statistics on.... Yes, I do realize he is male but c'mon... wrestling?? Shudders!! (He's actually watching wrestling on his laptop as I type this! Ugh! I truly hope our children do not inherit that part of Christopher.)
Now we must wait, one last time, on my final results to come in. These results will be on my blood work to see if I, too, carry the Cystic Fibrosis gene. Chris and I have been informed we should have these results within a week.
We have decided to wait two weeks before we start bugging them again for my test results. :) I can be a pain in the butt when I need to be! (Just ask my step-father... I can't tell you the number of times he rolled his eyes at my during my teenage years! giggles)
In the meantime, both of us need to get back on track with more proper eating habits (for baby's sake) and we need continue to save a little more money for "The Baby Fund". Since we don't know how many rounds it will take to produce a little one in my belly Chris and I will need to try our best to have enough savings for three rounds of IVF ready and available for when that time comes.
Lately, I have become most concerned about my stress level. My job is extremely demanding and comes with a high amount of stress day in and day out. Chris and I work over 50 hours a week with an high level of demands placed on our heads. We work along side each other trying to better the lives of those around us as we take care of the residential apartment high-rise building which houses over 209 apartments and over 300 tenants and occupants.
In any given day I have approximately 75 tenants, 20 contractors, 15 prospective tenants and our supervisor calling for my attention, decision and action on any given subject. We are on call 24 hours a day on a bi-weekly basis, working up to 9 days straight in a row. Half the month we cannot leave the building any further than a 10 minute radius so that we can get back quickly if need be.
Chris and I don't have a car so a 10 minute radius means we really can't go anywhere since even walking to our local mall is a little our of a ten minute walking range that is allowable. Eventually you kinda feel like a rat stuck in a rat maze...
I will admit I have a love/hate relationship for my job. I chose this field of work and I'm glad for it. It comes with a lot of rewards and the biggest reward is that I get to spend my everyday alongside Chris. (His stress levels are just as high as my own.)
My worry is for the potential little baby that will grow inside my body one day soon. He or she will feel that stress and tension day and day out. I know that this stress could affect my body in some pretty negative ways. I'm afraid my stress might be so high it could cause me to lose the baby and miscarry....
I haven't discussed these fears yet with Chris because, to be honest, I haven't been able to find the words yet to articulate this fear I have... This is my first opportunity to real voice my concerns.
With the help of The Lord anything is possible -- even finding ways to relieve my stress and ease my anxiety but honestly.... my job is just very, very demanding........ There is only one of me....only one woman that runs that office all day long and when I'm not there and we have a day or weekend off from work all the "office work" just gets pushed back a day until I come back to work and then I have to do double the work just to catch up to the demand of the tenants and staff once again. There is no body to carry that burden with me.... not in the way I need it, at least...
Hmmm.... I'll have think on this.... I do know my gut keeps telling me that if I am pregnant I will most likely have to be bedridden.... I have no idea why this thought keeps coming back to me, but it does. Over and over again. I get the feeling that will happen. I don't know if it will be because of the stress, because I'm disabled (and all the fears that go along with that with doctors) or because of my weight or, perhaps, a combination of all three. Only time will tell what truly happens.
In the meantime, I plan on finding ways to relieve my stress... I will be honest this will be quite hard for me. I am not great at not worrying about things. (Isn't it my job to worry about every little thing?! Chuckles)
Any prayer in this direction that friends and family reading this could offer would greatly be appreciated. Hugs
Thank you guys for going on this journey with us. We couldn't do it with all your love and support. :)
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