Stim Day 6!!!

Two shots for today...... Cetrotide and Gonal-F... It was so complicated to prepare Cetrotide compared to Gonal-F but we did it!

Great date as well!

Thank you, my husband! I love you, Christopher!!!

Stim Day 5

Stim Day 5... We could do these shots in our sleep now! We're just ol' pros at it.



I'm very worried the follicles haven't grown as much as I thought they should by now. Yes, it's "normal" for little to no growth to have taken place at this point but still...I'm worried.....

Friday 30th AM appt update

We are only praying more progress on our next ultrasound. :) I'll be doing a longer written blog this weekend as I process some of my thoughts in the last few days.



Love you all!

Stim Day 4

Tomorrow we head into the Infertility clinic to check on my little follicles. Will you pray with us that they are developing on schedule? I'm a little worried that I'm not feeling as much pressure or bloating in my belly today.



Thank you all for praying with us!

Stim Day 3!!!

Stim Day Three is complete!



I really did have a day of feeling very uncomfortable. It was hard to move around as per normal. I was very aware of any bending over and pushing I did on my bladder in my day-to-day movements. Normally, I had out notices under people's doors as one of the tasks of my job and every time I bent over today I did it so awkwardly that my belly felt really uncomfortable.



I don't know if I'll even be able to do that tomorrow! The feeling never fades or dissipates.



I'm so tired that I'm just going to go collapse in bed now. No more talk with my mushy, foggy brain.... ugh... I hate waking up in the wee hours of the morning when it's a work day!



G'night all....love you and God bless you!

Stim Day 2!!!

Already done with Day TWO! I'm already feeling some pressure in my belly.

I remember waking up last night at 3 am all excited and happy. I am actually surprised I even got back to sleep I was just on pins and needles with excitement!

I now have a full cycle flow as of today. (yesterday was just spotting) but all is good. It's not super heavy but more like a normal flow would be for me.

Happy 40th Birthday, my husband

I went in for bloodwork and an ultrasound yesterday on the 26th, and we go the go ahead to start our Stim days!! How exciting!!!

We plan to video tape as much as of it as we can and post it on youtube so you can all follow along if you wish and find how everything is going step-by-step.

This is all for the Glory of God!!!

Praise Jesus!!!

The eagle has been spotted!!!

It's official! The eagle has now been spotted and it's approaching its landing! What an awesome thing to have happen on such a crummy weekend!

When I showed Chris the spotting we were actually absolutely ridiculously and very nerdy-like high-fived. giggle...snort I think we've waited for this moment for so long that the joy of being in the moment just kinda propelled us to do something totally abnormal.. I can count on one hand the number of times I've high-fived with my husband... I think I won't tell my future kid this story. Nope, leaving the awkward, nerdy moment out of story time....

Now we just wait for actual landing of the eagle. (a full-flow day of menstrual cycle) and then I make The Call! This call will put everything in motion. I'll be going in for an ultrasound and blood work to determine everything is a-okay before I start the Gonal-F that evening.

Wow....think of that, eh? It's so close... We are so blessed by God for this opportunity...so many people don't even get this one chance....this is a humbling moment....

I'll be worshipping with an extra kick in my step this morning -- even as we worship online from home. (We are "on call" this weekend, so there's no travelling for church.)

Glory to God!

Extraordinary Faith in a Supernatural God

Okay, I admit it, I cried on and off all day. Yup. Feeling pretty blue. I called the Fertility Clinic to be on the waiting list so that when the new law change takes affect eventually, if we can come up with $6,500, we can continue with IVF cycles.

We still get our one chance at this for sure, but we just don't know if we'll get a second chance squeezed in before the "awesome" law change. Yeah.... not feeling so awesome about it, can ya tell?

Apparently the waiting list is LONG and we are not sure if there's any priority to women who are already current patients at the IVF clinic.

Here is some information on their website...

I am a current OFC patient, how do I get onto the wait list?

• If you have been seen by one of our physicians in the past year, you may contact their office to assess if you need updated pre-treatment testing and an IVF consent signing appointment. If you have never discussed IVF with your physician previously, you may need a follow-up appointment first. Your physician’s office administrator will direct you on how to proceed.
• If you have not been seen by an OFC physician within the past year, you will need a new referral from your GP.

- See more at: http://www.conceive.ca/2015/10/08/october-8-update-on-ontario-ivf-funding-at-ofc/#sthash.G2kLI0rH.dpuf


I have a feeling that thousands of woman are already on the waiting list.... my chances of having more than one IVF cycle before I'm too "old" are slim to none. Still.... God is the God of impossible things. 

When I got home this evening, I took off my work shirt and rummaged through Chris' side of the closet. I had just wanted to put on one of his comfy t-shirts but when I saw his Superman T-shirt I was inspired. I know that The Lord God has supernatural powers and I am a child of God. Chris' t-shirt will keep me hoping....

Now, we are off the for the weekend (as of 8pm when we hand over the trusty On Call phone to our co-worker). We've had a long day of work and I feel the need to laugh and be happy about life instead of worrying about something I can't prevent or change. So... I'm going to challenge Chris to a game! Oooh I am excited! "The Game of Life" here we come!

God's timing in all things

Deep cleansing breath...

We don't have a date yet when the new law surrounding fertility will officially change. We do know it is set to change "sometime in December (2015)" and will only allow us to have ONE chance at IVF once the law change takes place. So just like that we go from three chances to one chance in a blink of an eye. All this time wasted with tests... here we are still waiting for my cycle to start....

I have to admit I was so angry when I found out the news. I ranted for a good three hours until I could calm down again...I've been praying like crazy and not even praying for three chances, so much, but for one of two things to happen:

1) We have baby with only ONE IVF/ICSI session!!! Whoo-hoo! This would be the most awesome miracle of all... seriously I'd do the ugly happy cry... It would make me all blotchy and puffy...so not pretty, but totally want it to happen anyhow!

2) We are able to squeeze in two IVF/ICSI sessions before the law changes in December. This is still a possibility since we don't know the actual date yet... The later and closer to Christmas it is the better our chances will be of this possibility. (My next goal is to find out how long between sessions you have to wait to recover from IVF sessions.)

I'm trying to stay positive and just hope my cycle comes on time so baby making at the clinic can happen.

In the meantime, good news! The couple on YouTube that I am following who are going through their own IVF cycle may be pregnant with Baby #2! Squee! I'm so thrilled for them!

It's so exciting to see someone else's joy and positivity through this whole process! SOOO inspring!

.....Lastly I am considering doing my own YouTube vlogs about our IVF/ICSI journey....

Why am I consider this crazy idea? I want more women/couples who are mildly physically disabled see the process through what we go through. Even in the 21st Century, women who are physically challenged, still have to fight for right to bear children. We are judged by doctors and nurses, told we shouldn't try and have children. "It's too risky with your condition," they say to us, not realizing that there is viable research out there showing that Cerebral Palsy doesn't affect our ability to carry healthy chidlren to term without any complication to the child or mother.

That right.... that right that every woman in this world has is still so rare to us.... I have felt a calling from God to document our journey and now I think the Lord is leading me to document in a highly vulnerable way...

I hate pictures and video of myself. I'm overweight and it's really hard to be "okay" with seeing myself captured at the weight I am but I know journey is not about me, or even about Chris and me; it's about God and His desires for our life.....

I guess Carrie Sue from the YouTube videos I have been watching has inspired me to step out of comfort zone and do something further for Christ. I've been praying about this for several weeks and everytime I do God speaks to my heart... Another deep cleansing breath...this time of faith to be brave for Him...

Agreement? ........What agreement do you speak of, kind Sir?

After a lengthy discussion with Chris I agreed to wait until after the Thanksgiving Holiday to call the Fertility Clinic. Yeah... I didn't stick by that agreement.... chuckles...

When you're freaking out over the idea of still not getting your menstrual cycle you kinda just...take action even when agreements are made! Don't blame me; blame my silly body for not responding the way it should!

Our doctor has put me back on the Provera (uterine lining thinning medication). So I should be starting my cycle at about the 24th/25th of this month. Just before Chris' 40th birthday. :)

I feel sooooooo much better since I called!

sigh of relief

How low can you go?

I was the first patient to have their blood drawn at our fertility clinic this morning. I was up even before the crack of dawn. (Okay, I usually am since I typically swim in the morning but still I'm trying to be dramatic here, people!)

The nurse called me mid-afternoon and told me " Your numbers are low and this means you should be getting your menstrual cycle any day now. Just continue to be patient!"

So, here I go back to twiddling my thumbs and waiting.... Chris and I are not surprised, actually, as all the usual signs that my cycle is on its way showed up on cue. I was moody and short tempered. (I actually feel like whacking him over the head with a frying pan, when he's being too much of a man and not listening to me, but I do refrain.... somehow...)

Then I get all lovey dovey and want to snuggle with him. I cuddle and tell him I love him. He is the best man in the whole world. So kind, sweet and sexy....

Next comes the "let's go in the bedroom!" moments which I won't explain further since you can all catch my drift there.

Lastly comes the weeping tears and blues... I feel so alone and that I am the only person in the whole world that can feel the way I feel.

When all of these things do start to happen, we recognize that my cycle must be just around the corner. Usually my cycle starts within a week or two...not this time! Hence my worry and concern -- I admit I am still feeling worry and concern.

So... I shall wait and try and de-stress some more. Thankfully, Chris and I have the day off from work tomorrow. It will be a day of shopping (stocking up on supplies and food for the next week and a half) and cleaning the apartment. Maybe I'll even do a little dancing while I clean! think awkward Elaine dancing from "Seinfeld" but instead of little kicks I do this butt wiggle thingy

As soon as "the eagle has been spotted" I will let y'all know. I know you're all just on the edge of your seats waiting in anticipation! ;) chuckles Yeah...right....

Twiddling thumbs just a little longer!

No Aunt Flo yet. I know, I know! I am not a patient person either!

I think my body is confused about what it's supposed to do. I mean, if you think about it, the only reason it's been really steady and on time with my cycles the past few month's is because of the uterine thinning lining medication. Typically I have very sporadic "moon cycles" and they usually last two weeks. So, I'll have two weeks on and then two weeks off... It's a nightmare!

Since taking this new medication, though, my cycle has been very heavy but "normal" in length and time of the month. The last moon cycle was only 7 days -- just like everyone else is supposed to be!

Now that we are all done with our testing they have taken me off the medication and my body is just saying, "What do you want me to do here? I don't understand!" I knew this was going to happen. My gut just knew...

I did call the fertility clinic in order to get a refill on my thyroid medication as I've run out so I did ask my favorite receptionist what I should do. She suggested I wait until the end of the weekend to see if I start my cycle and if not, to call again on Monday. Hence the twiddling of my thumbs!

No, I am not pregnant. I mean...we have had...y'know....fun in the bedroom cue the Barry White music here but I have taken three  home pregnancy tests to be sure and no...nothing....

I have a feeling they'll have me take a blood test to confirm I'm not pregnant and then place me on birth control to sort of jump start my cycle when they take the birth control away again. I am SO frustrated at that prospect for a few reasons.

a) My body has never reacted well to oral birth control. I bleed like a stuck pig and clot like nobodies business. (yes I'm being graphic. If you can't hack it, I apologize! I'm honest and blunt, at least!) Birth control is supposed to prevent you from bleeding for three weeks and then once its removed for that one week period you are to have your monthly cycle. My body doesn't react that way. I bleed almost immediately when birth control is introduced to my body. It's actually a little frightening just how much I bleed.

b) If we try this method this means we'll be waiting longer to start our Stim Cycle days (days when I take the stimulation drugs Gonal-F and Cetrotide). Again, I reiterate we cannot afford to wait any longer and what I mean by "afford" is not monetarily. Time is running out because of the IVF law changing.

c) There are major changes going on at work right now....Things I will not get into here but having IVF/ICSI delayed is really poor timing in regards to these company changes. It's stressing me out.... I'm panicking a little inside as I don't handle change well....

So, here I sit and wait and keep checking every time I pee to see if I'm spotting. Nope, I have not spotted the "eagle" as we are calling it in code during office hours.

On other note, our fellow co-worker mentioned an article she read about the new IVF law change to take place here in Ontario. sigh I'm so stressed out and this article about the law changing "any day now" is not helping to relieve my anxieties!

http://www.thestar.com/news/queenspark/2015/09/30/ontario-delay-of-ivf-treatment-plan-leaves-aspiring-parents-waiting.html

What they don't say in the article is how this affects current IVF patients who are already eligible for three tries at IVF under OHIP. I'm so worried there will not be a grandfather clause for Chris and I to still be eligible for our three tries. We may only get one shot at this... and that can very likely fail. We know the odds, we are hyper aware this is all just one moment away from not being available to us.

God, though, is here with us. He is aware of what is going on and He has every under control.... I keep telling myself that over and over again... 

I hope this weekend will be stress free as Chris and I have the weekend off from work. We will be staying at a friend's house (We call it the "The Hotel".) They're such people to allow us both a chance to get away from this little world of ours and relax in good company.

I can't wait to kick their butt at Pictionary and Joker Rummy! Bring it on! grins