Unpredictable

I know what you're all wondering. "How did The Big Day go, Rosie?" Well... it wasn't what I expected, that's for sure.

At 10 a.m. yesterday we received a call from one of the doctors at the clinic saying our two little embryo babies didn't survive the unfreezing. They were " not viable for use". We will not be able to conceive a pregnancy. "This is very unusual," he said. He sounded so pained when he told me the news; sharing the hurt he knew we were feeling.

deep breath in....deep breath out....

We have a follow-up appointment with our doctor on the 21st of November where I'm sure he'll speak of what options we still have to conceive. If you remember, Chris and I have already stated this is our last try at this and we destroyed his remaining stored sperm. Of course, I'm sure some folks now would think that's a terrible idea but... it's what we felt was best.

No decisions have been made right now. We're just going to take sometime and digest this news, lean on Jesus for some strength and solace and remember that we have each other to lean on, too.

We're doing okay... honestly we really are. Chris and I knew this was a possibility and tried our best to prepare ourselves for each outcome. It's not easy, but it is life. Life is unpredictable and how you react to those moments of uncertainty and pain is really where you grow up and hopefully grow closer to each other and God.

That's where we are...and that's what we'll rest in until we know more.

The Big Day is Almost Here!

We went in for blood work and ultrasound on the 29th. I must say, everything looked "beautiful" on my ultrasound. No extra fluid hanging around in my uterus this time! Whoo-hoo!

Also the blood work came back in the afternoon and showed I wasn't pregnant! Whoo-hoo again! (That's weird to be happy I'm not pregnant just we can go ahead and become pregnant... so strange...)

We're continuing on with our Estrace pills for a few more days (2 mg pills at 3 X daily) and we have started our derriere shots again as of the 30th of September. If we are successful on with this pregnancy there are only 67 more derriere shots to go! Whoo-hoo!

Embryo Transfer is tentatively scheduled for the 4th of October. Monday morning we will be returning to the fertility clinic for one last ultrasound at 8:20 am... Chris is considering calling us a cab, depending on the weather.

We're excited for our last try at this but I think our excitement is a little more subdued this time around. We've gone through this once before and came out heartbroken after losing Clover. We know there's only an 85% change our embryo babies will survive the unfreezing phase. We could go into this last chance just to be told both embryos didn't make it and that chance to have our own children will be gone even before it starts.

Also, even if our little embryo baby(ies) survive the implantation into my uterus we could still lose them. They could fail to latch on to my uterus, I could miscarry or they could develop abnormally. Anything is possible.

We are content in whatever comes our way. Truly, we feel at peace in the knowledge that God has His hand in this. We've really stopped worrying -- even while facing all those possibilities -- and we're just living in this moment, thankful we have one last try at this...

I don't know how often we'll update you guys on this part of the journey. So many variables... and to be honest, we're feeling a little private right now about the whole thing. 

If you're willing and able, please keep us in your prayers as we pray for "sticky babies"! (We truly appreciate all the love and support people continue to show in our walk through infertility.)

When we feel comfortable, we'll update again -- promise! I can't wait until we're closer to the end of our nine months so I can start talking about the items I'll have to buy to accommodate my disability as I care for this baby (or babies!).

So many things ahead....and we're so thankful to God...!