We took a day off work so we could both be present at the doctor's appointment today at the fertility clinic. Today is our "day off in lieu" since we are working Good Friday and through Easter weekend.
Today was a unsurprising chat, but still a new thought has emerged in our collective thinking. Doc has hinted that we don't necessarily have to wait for our name to come up on the waiting list, we can always go ahead and try again if we wish to pay for another ETD (Embryo Transfer Day) ourselves. This time it would cost $2,000 as prices have increased on Feb 1st. Also, he is encouraging us to consider implanting our last two embryos and not just one.
*gulps*
The thought of carrying twins is quite daunting! What if we lose both of them? What if we lost one? What if we carry both to full term?! Oh my....!
Thankfully we are in a position financially where raising the money is possible. Also, we have come to a position of financial stability where I will no longer have to work and Chris will only need to consider working for a little while longer. It's a long story.... and I can't go into it but Praise The Lord we can consider the option of twins!
Wow... twins!!!
What we told our doctor during our meeting was, "We need to pray about this." He's respecting that decision and has left it up to us to contact him when we would like to get started again, once a decision is made.
We've already begun to pray and sat together to take a look at our bible. "Trust in the Lord" keeps coming back to us, over and over again.
Chris found this passage that spoke to his heart so clearly: " May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13
My goal, once we leave this job, it try and lose some weight. I know that whether we decide to carry one or two embryos I will need to do my very best to be healthy. I will admit, it's not possible to concentrate on this while I'm working at my current job. Our lives revolve around our tenant's needs too much. I can't go swimming (main source of exercise). We have a hard time making healthy meals since we are interrupted almost every evening -- Chris is actually helping his second tenant of the night now with a parking pass for overnight guests and we have had the phone for only 30 minutes.
It never ends... and I just don't have the mindset to do both. Work here, and be healthy. I'm stressed enough as it is!
One thing at a time!
Wow....twins though...can you imagine? It's something to definitely continue to pray about....
Monday, March 21, 2016
Saturday, March 05, 2016
Return of the Jedi...err... I mean Aunt Flo
Well, she's back. I know, what a lovely topic to mention. sigh I've been having menstrual pains for awhile now. Sometimes they've been quite intense and other times just more of a dull roar. I look at it as good news, though. Aunt Flo's arrival means my body is still doing what it's supposed to do for the possibility to try again to have a baby.
A fellow co-worker mentioned the moon cycle that I'll have now will be a little overwhelming and heavier than usual as my body has been building up the uterine lining for the baby. Now it's time to shed that extra thick lining. Oh joy this will be fun...! I think this next week will be a tough one on my body but I'll get through it just like everything else.
A few people have begun to ask what our next step is now that we have not gotten pregnant with this Embryo Transfer on the 16th of February. All I know is I'll be meeting with our doctor on the 21st of March to discuss things once again. I do know that all the head doctors having a board meeting type thing once a week and discuss all non-successful patients. They consult each other and try and figure out what the next step should be. So, I'm sure that consultation has already happened or will happen before the 21st.
We are already on the waiting list for a our "free" chance under the new Ministry of Health law change. We were at the top of the list, first to go, but decided to pay for the first Embryo Transfer ourselves as it was cheaper but because of this decision we were bumped to the bottom of the waiting list. I get the feeling this waiting list is thousands of names long... I have no idea when we will get our next shot at this... That concerns me as I am now 37 1/2 years old and every day inching towards my 38th birthday. The cut off age to try all this is 40 and I would really like to have children closer to 37 than 40!
We are waiting on God's timing and know that there is no point in being overly worried about it. We have mourned the loss of Clover and although I think of him everyday (and yes I believe he was a little boy) we are also still hopeful that God will grant us favour in carrying a child to full term.
Chris and I are still planning for the future in other ways as well. We've had a good week, even with the sad news on Tuesday. Things are looking brighter and we are focusing on moving forward instead of looking back. We rest in God's timing and know that with every tweak of pain in my belly, right now, my body is preparing for the second chance I will have at this. This is very good news!
Seeing my nephew Max joyously open gifts at his 3rd birthday party today made me feel such joy in my own heart. Many folks with infertility issues look at children or pregnant women and feel pains of jealousy or anger. Since we have been able to try IVF and ICSI with the fertility clinic I have felt the opposite. JOY! Over and abundance joy for having the chance to try just to try. I have more hope than I ever have in my whole life that I'll be a mum one day! I refuse to feel too much jealousy and anger. I refuse to let my heart go to a negative spot and stay there, stuck, thinking "what if?" Well... what if we do have success? What if Chris has to change a million dirty diapers before our wee one is potty trained? grins Oh, what if I get to have grandchildren one day?! Those are much better thoughts to focus on.
A fellow co-worker mentioned the moon cycle that I'll have now will be a little overwhelming and heavier than usual as my body has been building up the uterine lining for the baby. Now it's time to shed that extra thick lining. Oh joy this will be fun...! I think this next week will be a tough one on my body but I'll get through it just like everything else.
A few people have begun to ask what our next step is now that we have not gotten pregnant with this Embryo Transfer on the 16th of February. All I know is I'll be meeting with our doctor on the 21st of March to discuss things once again. I do know that all the head doctors having a board meeting type thing once a week and discuss all non-successful patients. They consult each other and try and figure out what the next step should be. So, I'm sure that consultation has already happened or will happen before the 21st.
We are already on the waiting list for a our "free" chance under the new Ministry of Health law change. We were at the top of the list, first to go, but decided to pay for the first Embryo Transfer ourselves as it was cheaper but because of this decision we were bumped to the bottom of the waiting list. I get the feeling this waiting list is thousands of names long... I have no idea when we will get our next shot at this... That concerns me as I am now 37 1/2 years old and every day inching towards my 38th birthday. The cut off age to try all this is 40 and I would really like to have children closer to 37 than 40!
We are waiting on God's timing and know that there is no point in being overly worried about it. We have mourned the loss of Clover and although I think of him everyday (and yes I believe he was a little boy) we are also still hopeful that God will grant us favour in carrying a child to full term.
Chris and I are still planning for the future in other ways as well. We've had a good week, even with the sad news on Tuesday. Things are looking brighter and we are focusing on moving forward instead of looking back. We rest in God's timing and know that with every tweak of pain in my belly, right now, my body is preparing for the second chance I will have at this. This is very good news!
Seeing my nephew Max joyously open gifts at his 3rd birthday party today made me feel such joy in my own heart. Many folks with infertility issues look at children or pregnant women and feel pains of jealousy or anger. Since we have been able to try IVF and ICSI with the fertility clinic I have felt the opposite. JOY! Over and abundance joy for having the chance to try just to try. I have more hope than I ever have in my whole life that I'll be a mum one day! I refuse to feel too much jealousy and anger. I refuse to let my heart go to a negative spot and stay there, stuck, thinking "what if?" Well... what if we do have success? What if Chris has to change a million dirty diapers before our wee one is potty trained? grins Oh, what if I get to have grandchildren one day?! Those are much better thoughts to focus on.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 "a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance"
Tuesday, March 01, 2016
Losing "Clover"
We lost the little life that was placed in my body two weeks ago. Of course we don't know when exactly it happened but I have my "mother's intuition" of when it did take place.
I remember speaking to Chris about it awhile ago; worrying over it, but Chris is just one of those guys that wants to stay positive and keep hoping. I get that... I really do. Most people say I'm pessimistic, but I see myself as a realist. The reality is when I sneezed those 8 times in a row and felt that incredibly excruciating muscle spasm course through my body, I didn't feel much after that. Something felt...missing...and I've been worrying over it ever since.
Regardless if it did happen in that moment or not, "Clover" is gone.
We are now making decisions about what to do next. Both of us feel a little numb tonight and just not ready to talk about it much with other people, but I will say for sure and certain, we have NOT given up the hope that The Lord will bless our family with children. We just were not blessed this time, that's all.
Thank you all for your prayers, love and support. We are working through our feelings and turning towards one another; not a way, so that's good at least. ;)
Love you guys!
I remember speaking to Chris about it awhile ago; worrying over it, but Chris is just one of those guys that wants to stay positive and keep hoping. I get that... I really do. Most people say I'm pessimistic, but I see myself as a realist. The reality is when I sneezed those 8 times in a row and felt that incredibly excruciating muscle spasm course through my body, I didn't feel much after that. Something felt...missing...and I've been worrying over it ever since.
Regardless if it did happen in that moment or not, "Clover" is gone.
We are now making decisions about what to do next. Both of us feel a little numb tonight and just not ready to talk about it much with other people, but I will say for sure and certain, we have NOT given up the hope that The Lord will bless our family with children. We just were not blessed this time, that's all.
Thank you all for your prayers, love and support. We are working through our feelings and turning towards one another; not a way, so that's good at least. ;)
Love you guys!
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