Gut Punch

Well, I didn't see that one coming.... About once a week I give the Fertility Clinic a call to see if Chris' CF test results are in. I called on Wednesday and left a message, but my cell phone started acting up in the afternoon, during the company BBQ, so I called again on Thursday and left another message.

My phone rang on Friday, just at the end of our lunch hour, and it was our doc. Doc says Chris' CF results are back..... Chris is a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis. So this means we may have a 25% chance of having a child with CF.... to determine whether that's the case I need to be tested too. If I'm not a carrier then we don't need to be worried about Chris' carrier gene.

I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I wasn't upset with the test results, I was upset by how long it will be until we get my results back now. Since Chris shows he is a carrier, they now want to test me. That will take another 3 to 4 months to receive those results. We do not have that kind of time, if the law giving us three chances to perform IVF on OHIPs dime in supposed to be changing by the end of the year in 2015.

As it is now, my test results will come back about October.... That might give us one chance at IVF.

Tears weld up in my eyes and I told the doctor how frustrating this news was to hear because of the time frame we were looking at. I could hear the sympathy in his voice. The doc wanted me to come in as soon as possible to get the blood work done and even asked if I could come in that day. Unfortunately I couldn't. (My job is demanding) but I do plan on going in on Monday.

Our doctor asked us for my email address to send the requisition to us and then I could get it done at a blood lab closer to home, but I still haven't received that email so the doc must have gotten the email address wrong, somehow... yes, I did check my junk mail folder, people. ;)

I'll have to go to the Fertility Clinic on Monday, since I didn't get the email to go elsewhere, which we be an expensive cab ride there and back but... it is what it is...I can't wait another day... This has to get done quickly!

After hanging up the phone, Chris and I were both shaken to the core by the news. We sat there in silence for a moment, holding hands and saying our own wordless prayer.

I called a good friend, but had to leave a message on her voicemail to call me back. Still I needed to talk to someone, immediately.

Two days before, on our company BBQ day, a fellow co-worker from Head Office gave Chris and I a ride. Katie (name changed) and I chatted in the car and Chris and I told her the news about trying to have a baby through IVF and ICSI with the Fertility Clinic. Well... it turns out Katie, was a patient at the Fertility Clinic many moons ago. Her doctor was the doc that performed my salt-water ultrasound where they discovered I had funky Fallopian tubes! Small world!

Katie's daughter is an IVF baby. :) Well, we bonded over that information instantly. Katie is one of my favorite people in the company Chris and I work for. Now though, we feel connected just a little more...

After leaving the message with my friend, whom I couldn't get a hold of, I went to see Katie. I needed to talk to a woman, someone who could understand what I was feeling. Thankfully Katie was just coming back to the office from her own lunch hour so we slipped into an empty office to chat. Oh how we shed some tears and hugged! It was wonderful to have another person who's gone through some of the same processes I'm going through sit and listen to me.

She's a good friend... a good listener...and an excellent confidante. I'm ever so grateful to God for Katie.

With Katie's support, and my friend who called me back later in the afternoon who listened and prayed, my mother and sister, and also my very best friend, by the end of the day, after speaking to so many strong and courageous woman, I felt just a little less rattled.

I'm still hurt.........this sets this process back another four months or so before we can get started, but as my sister and best friend pointed out, just because the law is set to change by the end of 2015, doesn't mean it will. Laws get delayed all the time -- especially if they haven't dotted all their I's and crossed all their T's. I feel so guilty about praying for time, more time until the law changes.

I've cried a few more times today, but I will not give up hope until God tells me to. I will not surrender to the gut punch that took me down yesterday afternoon. I will not lie down and stay down, for that's what the devil wants. This is God's plan. His decision and as long as I have Christ by my side there is always hope.

This might have started out with a big blow to my stomach, taking my breath away and deflating all the hope in me, but a little tiny prayer, made me gasp for breath and fill my lungs again to praise Him in this storm. This fight is not over. This is just another hurdle to climb and boy am I used to climbing over hurdles in my life!