We took a day off work so we could both be present at the doctor's appointment today at the fertility clinic. Today is our "day off in lieu" since we are working Good Friday and through Easter weekend.
Today was a unsurprising chat, but still a new thought has emerged in our collective thinking. Doc has hinted that we don't necessarily have to wait for our name to come up on the waiting list, we can always go ahead and try again if we wish to pay for another ETD (Embryo Transfer Day) ourselves. This time it would cost $2,000 as prices have increased on Feb 1st. Also, he is encouraging us to consider implanting our last two embryos and not just one.
*gulps*
The thought of carrying twins is quite daunting! What if we lose both of them? What if we lost one? What if we carry both to full term?! Oh my....!
Thankfully we are in a position financially where raising the money is possible. Also, we have come to a position of financial stability where I will no longer have to work and Chris will only need to consider working for a little while longer. It's a long story.... and I can't go into it but Praise The Lord we can consider the option of twins!
Wow... twins!!!
What we told our doctor during our meeting was, "We need to pray about this." He's respecting that decision and has left it up to us to contact him when we would like to get started again, once a decision is made.
We've already begun to pray and sat together to take a look at our bible. "Trust in the Lord" keeps coming back to us, over and over again.
Chris found this passage that spoke to his heart so clearly: " May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13
My goal, once we leave this job, it try and lose some weight. I know that whether we decide to carry one or two embryos I will need to do my very best to be healthy. I will admit, it's not possible to concentrate on this while I'm working at my current job. Our lives revolve around our tenant's needs too much. I can't go swimming (main source of exercise). We have a hard time making healthy meals since we are interrupted almost every evening -- Chris is actually helping his second tenant of the night now with a parking pass for overnight guests and we have had the phone for only 30 minutes.
It never ends... and I just don't have the mindset to do both. Work here, and be healthy. I'm stressed enough as it is!
One thing at a time!
Wow....twins though...can you imagine? It's something to definitely continue to pray about....
Monday, March 21, 2016
Saturday, March 05, 2016
Return of the Jedi...err... I mean Aunt Flo
Well, she's back. I know, what a lovely topic to mention. sigh I've been having menstrual pains for awhile now. Sometimes they've been quite intense and other times just more of a dull roar. I look at it as good news, though. Aunt Flo's arrival means my body is still doing what it's supposed to do for the possibility to try again to have a baby.
A fellow co-worker mentioned the moon cycle that I'll have now will be a little overwhelming and heavier than usual as my body has been building up the uterine lining for the baby. Now it's time to shed that extra thick lining. Oh joy this will be fun...! I think this next week will be a tough one on my body but I'll get through it just like everything else.
A few people have begun to ask what our next step is now that we have not gotten pregnant with this Embryo Transfer on the 16th of February. All I know is I'll be meeting with our doctor on the 21st of March to discuss things once again. I do know that all the head doctors having a board meeting type thing once a week and discuss all non-successful patients. They consult each other and try and figure out what the next step should be. So, I'm sure that consultation has already happened or will happen before the 21st.
We are already on the waiting list for a our "free" chance under the new Ministry of Health law change. We were at the top of the list, first to go, but decided to pay for the first Embryo Transfer ourselves as it was cheaper but because of this decision we were bumped to the bottom of the waiting list. I get the feeling this waiting list is thousands of names long... I have no idea when we will get our next shot at this... That concerns me as I am now 37 1/2 years old and every day inching towards my 38th birthday. The cut off age to try all this is 40 and I would really like to have children closer to 37 than 40!
We are waiting on God's timing and know that there is no point in being overly worried about it. We have mourned the loss of Clover and although I think of him everyday (and yes I believe he was a little boy) we are also still hopeful that God will grant us favour in carrying a child to full term.
Chris and I are still planning for the future in other ways as well. We've had a good week, even with the sad news on Tuesday. Things are looking brighter and we are focusing on moving forward instead of looking back. We rest in God's timing and know that with every tweak of pain in my belly, right now, my body is preparing for the second chance I will have at this. This is very good news!
Seeing my nephew Max joyously open gifts at his 3rd birthday party today made me feel such joy in my own heart. Many folks with infertility issues look at children or pregnant women and feel pains of jealousy or anger. Since we have been able to try IVF and ICSI with the fertility clinic I have felt the opposite. JOY! Over and abundance joy for having the chance to try just to try. I have more hope than I ever have in my whole life that I'll be a mum one day! I refuse to feel too much jealousy and anger. I refuse to let my heart go to a negative spot and stay there, stuck, thinking "what if?" Well... what if we do have success? What if Chris has to change a million dirty diapers before our wee one is potty trained? grins Oh, what if I get to have grandchildren one day?! Those are much better thoughts to focus on.
A fellow co-worker mentioned the moon cycle that I'll have now will be a little overwhelming and heavier than usual as my body has been building up the uterine lining for the baby. Now it's time to shed that extra thick lining. Oh joy this will be fun...! I think this next week will be a tough one on my body but I'll get through it just like everything else.
A few people have begun to ask what our next step is now that we have not gotten pregnant with this Embryo Transfer on the 16th of February. All I know is I'll be meeting with our doctor on the 21st of March to discuss things once again. I do know that all the head doctors having a board meeting type thing once a week and discuss all non-successful patients. They consult each other and try and figure out what the next step should be. So, I'm sure that consultation has already happened or will happen before the 21st.
We are already on the waiting list for a our "free" chance under the new Ministry of Health law change. We were at the top of the list, first to go, but decided to pay for the first Embryo Transfer ourselves as it was cheaper but because of this decision we were bumped to the bottom of the waiting list. I get the feeling this waiting list is thousands of names long... I have no idea when we will get our next shot at this... That concerns me as I am now 37 1/2 years old and every day inching towards my 38th birthday. The cut off age to try all this is 40 and I would really like to have children closer to 37 than 40!
We are waiting on God's timing and know that there is no point in being overly worried about it. We have mourned the loss of Clover and although I think of him everyday (and yes I believe he was a little boy) we are also still hopeful that God will grant us favour in carrying a child to full term.
Chris and I are still planning for the future in other ways as well. We've had a good week, even with the sad news on Tuesday. Things are looking brighter and we are focusing on moving forward instead of looking back. We rest in God's timing and know that with every tweak of pain in my belly, right now, my body is preparing for the second chance I will have at this. This is very good news!
Seeing my nephew Max joyously open gifts at his 3rd birthday party today made me feel such joy in my own heart. Many folks with infertility issues look at children or pregnant women and feel pains of jealousy or anger. Since we have been able to try IVF and ICSI with the fertility clinic I have felt the opposite. JOY! Over and abundance joy for having the chance to try just to try. I have more hope than I ever have in my whole life that I'll be a mum one day! I refuse to feel too much jealousy and anger. I refuse to let my heart go to a negative spot and stay there, stuck, thinking "what if?" Well... what if we do have success? What if Chris has to change a million dirty diapers before our wee one is potty trained? grins Oh, what if I get to have grandchildren one day?! Those are much better thoughts to focus on.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 "a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance"
Tuesday, March 01, 2016
Losing "Clover"
We lost the little life that was placed in my body two weeks ago. Of course we don't know when exactly it happened but I have my "mother's intuition" of when it did take place.
I remember speaking to Chris about it awhile ago; worrying over it, but Chris is just one of those guys that wants to stay positive and keep hoping. I get that... I really do. Most people say I'm pessimistic, but I see myself as a realist. The reality is when I sneezed those 8 times in a row and felt that incredibly excruciating muscle spasm course through my body, I didn't feel much after that. Something felt...missing...and I've been worrying over it ever since.
Regardless if it did happen in that moment or not, "Clover" is gone.
We are now making decisions about what to do next. Both of us feel a little numb tonight and just not ready to talk about it much with other people, but I will say for sure and certain, we have NOT given up the hope that The Lord will bless our family with children. We just were not blessed this time, that's all.
Thank you all for your prayers, love and support. We are working through our feelings and turning towards one another; not a way, so that's good at least. ;)
Love you guys!
I remember speaking to Chris about it awhile ago; worrying over it, but Chris is just one of those guys that wants to stay positive and keep hoping. I get that... I really do. Most people say I'm pessimistic, but I see myself as a realist. The reality is when I sneezed those 8 times in a row and felt that incredibly excruciating muscle spasm course through my body, I didn't feel much after that. Something felt...missing...and I've been worrying over it ever since.
Regardless if it did happen in that moment or not, "Clover" is gone.
We are now making decisions about what to do next. Both of us feel a little numb tonight and just not ready to talk about it much with other people, but I will say for sure and certain, we have NOT given up the hope that The Lord will bless our family with children. We just were not blessed this time, that's all.
Thank you all for your prayers, love and support. We are working through our feelings and turning towards one another; not a way, so that's good at least. ;)
Love you guys!
Monday, February 29, 2016
Blood Work Day Tomorrow
God says not to worry, y'know, but uhm...I'm human and that just comes too easily to me. So, yup, I'm nervous about tomorrow.
I'll be going in for blood work in the morning and probably won't get a call with the test results until mid-afternoon. Tomorrow will be the longest day of my life.
What if it's positive? Holy cow we're parents!
What if it's negative? swallows hard
Breath in...breath out...
TMI to follow.......skip the rest of this post if you get queasy talking about bodily stuff. You've been warned.
Last night I had terrible constipation in the middle of the night. It was so bad my whole body was shaking and my entire stomach muscles were all seizing at the same time. I was hot and sweaty and feeling miserable, BUT not sick...just a reaction to the meds. My body is taking it hard.
I was in so much pain I thought I might faint and fall off the toilet, whacking my head against the side of the tub -- seriously! So, I called Chris in to be with me. He was so kind and just held my hand, put a cold compress on my neck and reassured me it would all be okay. We were in there a good 45 minutes, finally falling back to sleep in bed a little while later.
Then on my lunch break today I had the opposite issue. Diarrhea! Oh so much fun! I won't go into details there but suffice is to say, these drugs are really starting to hit me hard.
My butt is so sore from Chris poking me with the needles. I have some good size bruises on my butt cheeks, too. I was riding the elevator down to the office in the morning and the elevator shook a little as it came to the ground floor tossing me a back against the grab bar which just happens to be the exact height where the bruises are. Tears of pain pricked in the corners of my eyes as I was jostled against the bar and my left side bruise was badly bumped.
I have to be careful of those bruises.... They just hurt so badly! It's all worth it though...and Chris was cautious when he pricked me with this evening's shot. I love that man so much. He's gonna be a great daddy and he's already a great husband.
We have decided, no matter tomorrow's blood work results, we will praise the name of the Son of God. His will for our lives, every step of the way. It's all about You, Jesus.
I'll be going in for blood work in the morning and probably won't get a call with the test results until mid-afternoon. Tomorrow will be the longest day of my life.
What if it's positive? Holy cow we're parents!
What if it's negative? swallows hard
Breath in...breath out...
TMI to follow.......skip the rest of this post if you get queasy talking about bodily stuff. You've been warned.
Last night I had terrible constipation in the middle of the night. It was so bad my whole body was shaking and my entire stomach muscles were all seizing at the same time. I was hot and sweaty and feeling miserable, BUT not sick...just a reaction to the meds. My body is taking it hard.
I was in so much pain I thought I might faint and fall off the toilet, whacking my head against the side of the tub -- seriously! So, I called Chris in to be with me. He was so kind and just held my hand, put a cold compress on my neck and reassured me it would all be okay. We were in there a good 45 minutes, finally falling back to sleep in bed a little while later.
Then on my lunch break today I had the opposite issue. Diarrhea! Oh so much fun! I won't go into details there but suffice is to say, these drugs are really starting to hit me hard.
My butt is so sore from Chris poking me with the needles. I have some good size bruises on my butt cheeks, too. I was riding the elevator down to the office in the morning and the elevator shook a little as it came to the ground floor tossing me a back against the grab bar which just happens to be the exact height where the bruises are. Tears of pain pricked in the corners of my eyes as I was jostled against the bar and my left side bruise was badly bumped.
I have to be careful of those bruises.... They just hurt so badly! It's all worth it though...and Chris was cautious when he pricked me with this evening's shot. I love that man so much. He's gonna be a great daddy and he's already a great husband.
We have decided, no matter tomorrow's blood work results, we will praise the name of the Son of God. His will for our lives, every step of the way. It's all about You, Jesus.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Phil 4:6
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Irish Luck
I took a dollar store pregnancy test at lunch today and it came out negative. Off I raced to google to see if I could find out any info and came across this information in a post:
"It can take 3-5 days for the embryo to implant and another 5 days at least for the hormones to show up on a blood test and even longer for them to be strong enough to show up on a HPT."
I guess I just have to wait until the March 1st blood test to see if it shows a strong enough test.... Oh I hate this waiting!
I will say I'm feeling some symptoms of pregnancy but they could be drug related, too. Even before Embryo Transfer Day on Tuesday I had sore nipples and boobies... I won't go into too much detail since we probably do have one or two men that read this, but it has been difficult to deal with this problem.
I will have to buy bigger sized bras and panties already. Everything is tight and uncomfortable. I didn't think I'd have to do that for months yet!
I am not feeling queasy yet, but I do feel a pretty regular "pressure" in my belly... sometimes I mistake it for having to go to the bathroom during the day.
*sigh* I just wish we knew NOW...but Chris is believing.... Oh it's so hard....the not knowing is killing me!
We have given the baby a nickname already until we know if it's a boy or a girl.
Clover for Chris is Irish and we hope the luck of the Irish will be with us with God's constant blessing.
Lastly, I am actually in my third week in my first trimester, which is quite confusing for most folks. Did you know during your first week you're not actually pregnant? Yep, the first week of "pregnancy" is when you're ovulating and your body is preparing for you to have sex and make a baby. Then the magical moment happens between husband and wife! cue romantic music here During your second week the little egg becomes and embryo, as it travels down the Fallopian tube, beginning to grow cell by cell until it reaches the uterus where it finds a home attached to your side.
So, if you think about --
Week One or so was the start of all my fancy expensive drugs.
Week Two has already happened when we removed the Eggs from my Follicles and grew the Eggs in a petri dish, allowing the Eggs to mature to a "Five Day Blastocyst" gestation. They then froze the embryos in status until ready for use.
Now, placing this already Five Day Blast embryo, "Clover" continued to grow on Day 6 (Embryo Transfer Day Tuesday) and Day 7 (Wednesday)
Today is the first day of week three!
I do hope to start feeling symptoms soon....
Dear God....hear our prayer.....
Love you guys... :)
"It can take 3-5 days for the embryo to implant and another 5 days at least for the hormones to show up on a blood test and even longer for them to be strong enough to show up on a HPT."
I guess I just have to wait until the March 1st blood test to see if it shows a strong enough test.... Oh I hate this waiting!
I will say I'm feeling some symptoms of pregnancy but they could be drug related, too. Even before Embryo Transfer Day on Tuesday I had sore nipples and boobies... I won't go into too much detail since we probably do have one or two men that read this, but it has been difficult to deal with this problem.
I will have to buy bigger sized bras and panties already. Everything is tight and uncomfortable. I didn't think I'd have to do that for months yet!
I am not feeling queasy yet, but I do feel a pretty regular "pressure" in my belly... sometimes I mistake it for having to go to the bathroom during the day.
*sigh* I just wish we knew NOW...but Chris is believing.... Oh it's so hard....the not knowing is killing me! We have given the baby a nickname already until we know if it's a boy or a girl.
Clover for Chris is Irish and we hope the luck of the Irish will be with us with God's constant blessing.
Lastly, I am actually in my third week in my first trimester, which is quite confusing for most folks. Did you know during your first week you're not actually pregnant? Yep, the first week of "pregnancy" is when you're ovulating and your body is preparing for you to have sex and make a baby. Then the magical moment happens between husband and wife! cue romantic music here During your second week the little egg becomes and embryo, as it travels down the Fallopian tube, beginning to grow cell by cell until it reaches the uterus where it finds a home attached to your side.
So, if you think about --
Week One or so was the start of all my fancy expensive drugs.
Week Two has already happened when we removed the Eggs from my Follicles and grew the Eggs in a petri dish, allowing the Eggs to mature to a "Five Day Blastocyst" gestation. They then froze the embryos in status until ready for use.
Now, placing this already Five Day Blast embryo, "Clover" continued to grow on Day 6 (Embryo Transfer Day Tuesday) and Day 7 (Wednesday)
Today is the first day of week three!
I do hope to start feeling symptoms soon....
Dear God....hear our prayer.....
Love you guys... :)
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Embryo Transfer Day Feb 16 2016
Feeling some cramping and uncomfortableness this afternoon, but it's all good!
Praise The Lord!
Monday, February 15, 2016
Tomorrow is only a day away
Tomorrow is The Big Day! It's 100% go time! I keep looking at Chris and saying, "you're going to be a dad tomorrow" and he keeps looking at me saying, "and you're going to be a mum."
We have to believe. We have to believe in The Lord's timing for this otherwise it's all for naught. I will not bring negative thinking into this equation until I'm told that I need to. We are SO excited! Chris and I feel really blessed to be given this chance by God to just even try to have kids. Not everyone gets that chance.
It's funny, y'know, how many people do you know who know that exact day and time their child was a little wee fetus in their mother's wombs? grin We will always have that memory together.
So, IVF will be between 11:30 to 12 noon. We need to arrive their by 10:45 and I need to drink one litre of water starting at 10:30. Yes, everything does seem to be so specific! I will be very uncomfortable with all that water sloshing around in my belly. I remember having ultrasounds years ago and being told to drink a litre of water before I came to the ultrasound clinic. Oh, how painful that was! I am not looking forward to that part tomorrow.
A good church friend and prayer partner will be driving us there and back. It's wonderful have extended family through the church like we do... I can't wait to have a chance to give back like that one day to someone else...
My best friend Lana, aka Auntie Lana, is so excited she doesn't even know if she'll be able to concentrate at work tomorrow. I think she's quite possibly even more excited than Chris and me combined.
Chris and I have taken the day off tomorrow for the procedure. (Vacation day!) I will need to rest in the afternoon after the little wee one is placed in my uterus and for the next 17 days we will be praying that it "sticks"!
Seventeen days to wait and find out if I really and truly am pregnant. Those will be the longest seventeen days of my life! Ah well.... I'll just have to stay busy without over doing it...
Well, that's all the rambling I have for tonight... I'm so scattered in my thoughts I can't really sound philosophical tonight. All weekend I've been grinning like an idiot as I danced away one Cloud Nine... snort I think it'll be awhile before my feet touch solid ground again.
Chris and I love you guys and we're very thankful you all are celebrating each and every step in this journey with us. Pray...pray for the little wee one, would you? ..........We're going to be parents tomorrow! Eeek!
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