Our first talk about children, went like this:
Me: Well, how many children do you want?
Chris: (without hesitation or missing a beat) Six.
Me: Six?! Whoa, hold on here! Let's just start with one and see how we feel about that first kid and go from there.
Chris: Can we start trying now? (sly grin)
Me: No, we cannot start trying now! We have to get married first. Don't you dare come near me, mister! Chris! (I whacked Chris with my open hand and he tried to come in for a kiss) Stop it! (I ended up in a fit of laughter as he finally relented but looked at me with puppy dog eyes.)
Chris: ..........So we're going get married........cool!
Me: Wh-- I did not say that! I-I said....IF we get married --
Chris: No! No, you didn't say "if". You said, "We have to get married first". There was no "if" in there! (He's grinned like a Cheshire cat because he knew he has me trapped.)
I remember I quickly changed the subject and hoped he would forget my slip of the tongue but alas, he did not. Two weeks after that talk, there was a ring in front of me, and a pale ghost-like looking Chris down on one knee, waiting for my response. I couldn't resist him. I didn't want to. I knew God had already planted him in my heart. I was Chris' girl and always would be.
Our talks of babies lead to deeper conversations as time went on. I told him about the day The Lord whispered our little girls' name in my ear. It was long before I met Chris, long before I had come to know Christ....... Sometimes that time, feels like another lifetime ago......in a way it is.
This part of story I do not share so readily with everyone, but is an important part of who I am and my journey to who I have become presently.
I was once married......to a woman. I was with this woman for 9 years. It was a violent and unhappy union. Near the end of our relationship, I had begun to seek Christ in my life. There was one particular day, in the middle of a cold and snowy Canadian winter, I was trudging through thick, heavy snow lamenting to God about how I'd never have children and never have a little girl with the name I had picked out. Suddenly a new little girls' name came to mind. One I had no thought of that was my own. The Lord whispered this name to me. I disliked the name at first, because it was not the one I had chosen. I brushed the name aside and stomped off, trying not to give it all another thought.
Soon that marriage dissolved and I was left with this a sadness that was overwhelming. Slowly though, over the years and through prayer and healthy friendships, I regained my footing and found a love for Jesus I never knew could exist. All the while this little girl's name grew on me. My heart would say her name over and over again, as I clung to the hope that one day, I would be married to the person that The Lord had in store for me and we would have the children that God saw fit for us to raise to know Him.
My husband found me -- or rather I found him -- seven years after the pitiful walk and now here we are, praying together for our little Ruby Grace.
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